Case Studies in Modern Life - 6. The Men Who Took Their Vows Together in East Ham Registry Office

June 2014

Thomas could hear the music coming from the next room. People were still making their way into the ceremony room. On the other side of the door in front of him, he could hear them walking, talking, moving chairs. This was their big day, and there was no backing out of it now.

He and Daniel were sat together, in the little anteroom, waiting for their wedding ceremony to begin, waiting to make their entrance. He glanced over at Daniel and saw Daniel’s tongue dart out of his mouth and run over his dry lips. Daniel was as nervous as he was. It should have been comforting, but seeing Daniel’s nerves only made Thomas’ own nerves feel so much louder.

Why was he so nervous? Basically they were just entering into a legal agreement that would finally offer their relationship decent protections under the law. But that was too simplistic; this was far greater than just a legal agreement. He was marrying the man he loved, and that felt so monumental.

He’d moved to London in 1986, a twenty-year-old in search of a new life. The country had been so different back then, conservative and deeply homophobic. Politicians, religious leaders, newspaper headlines, and everyone in between seemed to be blaming lesbians and gay men for all society’s ills and more. The tragedy of AIDS had allowed the worst to come out in people. “Gay Plague” and “Lock-Them-All-Up,” screamed the headlines and bigots alike.

In this environment Thomas had started his search for a lover, one of the main reasons he’d moved to London. As he searched, back then, he’d never believed that any of his relationships could be anything more then on the fringes of society. No legal status, no legal protection, no more than “living in sin.” There seemed no political or social will to change it.

During the 90s, he’d campaigned for change, for equality and for the same protections enjoyed by straight couples; but there had been a nagging voice at the back of his mind. He wasn’t doing this campaigning for himself; he was doing it for the next generation, or even the generation after that. He’d never believed he’d actually see any change in his lifetime. It was fatalist, but it also felt so true back then.

On the millennium eve, he’d been stood with Daniel, on the South Bank, wrapped up against the cold and rain, to watch the spectacular firework display. He’d only been seeing Daniel for three months that night. As he stared up at the fireworks, Daniel had put his arm around Thomas’ shoulder. The moment had felt so special, it had also felt that they were on the cusp of real change. The next millennium was finally going to be different.

Thomas felt himself twitching with nerves, his knees fidgeting, his hands not being able to rest in his lap. It was a stupidly high amount of nerves. People had been getting married for... But it wasn’t like that, a simple exchange of vows to gain legal protection, this was different. This was one of those moments when things changed.

He glanced over at Daniel and saw Daniel was now tapping his feet absent-mindedly against his chair legs. His nerves were accelerating just as much as Thomas’s.

The year before he had closely watched the media coverage of the passage of the Equal Marriage bill through parliament. It seemed to sail through the House of Commons, some Tory MPs objected, but it easily obtained a majority. As it was debated in the House of Lords, Thomas had watched it tensely, on a day off from work watching the live broadcast on BBC Parliament. The debate had been full of elderly Lords pouring out their festering homophobia. It almost felt as if he was back at school and he was avoiding the bullies shouting “queer” and “poof.” It certainly felt as if the chance for equal marriage was being snatched away from them at the last moment. All their campaigning and effort was coming to nothing, and then the bill passed through the Lords too with a huge majority. He was breathless with almost disbelief. It was law, it was here.

That evening they had celebrated it over their evening meal with a bottle of wine he’d been saving for a “special occasion,” and this was certainly one of them. As they ate, Daniel had said:

“Isn’t it time we did it, now that it will be legal, get married I mean?”

“Yes,” Thomas replied. It seemed the most natural reaction in the world.

The music, coming from the ceremony room, faded out and stopped. Their service was about to begin, and Thomas’ nerves jumped up into his throat in a hard and tight ball.

“Showtime, I think,” Daniel said, standing up awkwardly.

Thomas stood up too, his chair pushing against the back of his legs.

As a lost twenty-year-old, when he first came to London, he would never have believed that this day could possibly happen. His lack of self-confidence had led him to doubt that he would ever meet a man with whom he could have a lasting relationship. Most of all, though, he hadn’t ever believed that the country could change so much as to embrace marriage equality, to actually legally allow two men or two women to marry. Yet here he was, almost a world away, marrying the man he loved. He blinked back a tear at the thought.

“Everyone. Please stand up as we welcome Daniel and Thomas,” the Register’s voice called out from the next room.